Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This review is of the 1988 edition. A thought-provoking read in which John Bradshaw introduces some valuable concepts and terminology. It is centrally concerned with one’s relationship with themself, wherein lies the defining characteristics that can be healthy or toxic shame. In my religious parlance it is concerned with humility, what Bradshaw calls healthy shame:
Healthy shame is the psychoilogical foundation of humility. It is the source of spirituality. - p. vii
During the course of the book the author considers shame as the underpinnings to a host of issues from the interpersonal to the intensely, dismally personal; the suggestion might be that toxic shame is at the root of almost all psychological issues. He embraces and extends such established successes as 12-Step programs, though he also refers favorably to dubius programs like Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) and a few other pop-psychology ideas that might have more of popularity than proof.
I particularly enjoyed the concluding chapters that focused on the role of shame in relationships. The book examines the means by which I can identify negative components of my previous marriage and confront those present in my marriages. What to me was the coup de grâce that I’d been waiting for to give this a stamp of approval to my spiritual sensibilities was the conclusion in which Bradshaw discusses service. Enacting service, he points out, is the inevitable result of becoming a fully realized individual, and for this reason is the concluding step of 12-step programs: upon balancing of the self, the desire is to share with and serve others in ways that can help them achieve the same. Had the book failed to conclude on this point I would likely have finished reading on a note of disappointment and skepticism. Instead, I can recommend this book generally to anyone interested in self-improvement, concepts of humility and self-confidence, and improving understanding of the struggles of themselves and others around them (especially understanding the addicted and the self-deprecating).
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